Renewal: How I Found It

Its June.  We're half way through the year.  No doubt, its an odd time of year to choose my "Word of the Year."  I can remember back in January seeing friends and family post on Facebook the words they had chosen.  I was totally on-board!  I mean, a word instead of a resolution?  What English teacher wouldn't give that a try?  Funny thing was, though, no matter how much I thought about it, I just couldn't seem to find a word that really fit.  Of course, by February, I had stopped searching.  School was in session. Grading, lesson planning, my own college classes, and responsibilities of being a mom left little time for reflection or introspection.
This morning, though, without even looking, I found it.  Renewal!  My word of the year.  I was reading in the book of Titus and found this Scripture:

But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, 

he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, 

but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and 

RENEWAL 

of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly 

through Jesus Christ our Savior.

Titus 3:4-6

Now in my Bible, the word "renewal" doesn't stand apart from the rest of the verse. I wasn't searching for a specific word; I was just doing what I do every morning. But as I read, that word stopped me in my tracks. I immediately had the epiphany: That's my word! Its hard to explain without sounding like a crazy person, but let me try.  

It all began with a revival meeting one weekend in February.  I went for a friend. I was happy to attend, but not intentionally searching for myself.  As often happens, though, just like with my word of the year, I was about to find something I wasn't even looking for. The truth is, God knows those needs we won't even confess to ourselves. There had been a bitterness and a feeling of hopelessness that had invaded my soul, the depth of which I wasn't even aware of until that night. As the evangelist began to prophesy over me, his words renewed a calling on my life that had been given nearly 15 years earlier, a calling I thought was lost. 

Not only did he prophesy about my calling, the evangelist also spoke answers to questions I had been asking only in prayer. He called me out on some thought processes I'd allowed to enter into my life, quoting the Scripture about casting down vain imaginations. This experience led to a greater spiritual awakening and a renewal of my passion to intentionally follow God no matter the cost. 

The months between that night and this morning have been arduous - yet victorious and well worth it! I've experienced both hope and despair, cycles of faith and fear, to perhaps the greatest measure of anything I'd previously known. I've learned to confront what once I would have ran from.  I've used honesty that terrified me.  I've taken risks in relationships and, as a result, experienced deeper Godly community. I've successfully prayed through spiritual attacks formed against myself and those I love...On the other hand, I've also curled up in a ball hysterically begging God to have someone pray for me when I felt paralyzed by the enemy.

Looking back, the overarching theme of all of this has been renewal.  I better understand Paul's statement, "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed...Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

(2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16-17) 

I have found that renewal is not an easy process.  By definition, the word means "the replacing or repair of something that is worn out, run-down, or broken." One cannot have renewal without first having experienced loss or ruin. Almost every scripture that contains a form of the word renew is preceded by scriptures that describe brokenness, need, and pain.  Renewal comes after destruction. Not before.  It comes when you are desperate for it, when you need it the most. 

I have in my garden a symbol of renewal.  On the first Mother's Day after I became a mother, my own mom gave me a rose bush.  Suffice it to say, I do not have a green thumb, but I did do everything I could to keep this plant alive.  I even started a flower garden just so I'd have a place to display it. For several years, the rose bush grew and bloomed.  I remember looking at it with pride a couple of summers ago, thinking how well it was flourishing.  Then, unexpectedly last spring, when it should have been sprouting new shoots, it seemed dead. I didn't know if we'd just had a hard winter or if I'd done something wrong. Heartbroken, I thought about digging it up and discarding it. Instead, I pruned away all the dead growth from the previous year and left it in the ground.  To be honest, at the time it felt like a metaphor of a situation I was going through - I had done all I knew to do, but it just seemed hopeless.  I felt bitter and disgusted, not only about the plant, but about life in general. Perhaps you've experienced the same.  If so, if you too are experiencing a hopeless situation, let me share with you this picture of how God can bring back to life what previously seemed dead. Today, there is new growth.  Soon there will be buds, and then blooms on something I'd fully given up on. Renewal. 

While I would like to tell you that once you have found this renewal you are set, Paul said we are "being renewed day by day." Renewal isn't a one and done kind of work. If you find yourself daily needing to be renewed, that's okay. Instead of blaming it on your own weakness, thank God that his Holy Spirit does that renewing work in us, and that he has been "poured out on us richly." 

Finally, Colossians 3:10 tells us to "put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator." I find this significant because our sinful nature has distorted our understanding of who God is.  Satan would like to keep it that way.  He regularly accuses God, placing thoughts in our minds that contradict God's goodness - the very nature of who our God is. In order for us to know our God, to know his will, and to be able to live differently than the world does, we have to have our minds renewed (Romans 12:2). This is the process by which we see God more clearly.  This is the way that our understanding of Him becomes new again, the way we become more like our Creator.  Whatever your situation, let me encourage you today to renew your hope in God.  He loves you.  He is for you.  And he is the One seated on the throne in Heaven "making everything NEW." 

(Revelations 21:5)